Lost and Searching

Music: My Constant Lover

Music isn’t just an important part of my life, it is intrinsically intertwined within it. I cannot live without music no more than I could live without air. I listen to music most of my waking hours. It is a place for me to escape and it is a place for me to embrace. It is an outlet for emotions I have always had difficulty expressing or understanding. And it has been my closest companion, sharing things that I cannot share with others.

It is also a defining part in what I look for in love. I want someone that cares for music the way I care for music. I don’t want Her to share my exact tastes in music, I want her tastes to complement mine. I want to be able to share my loves with her and have her share her loves with me. Music was my first love, and I’d like to share that with someone I would love for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately, I have only ever met one woman that had a passion for music that could rival mine, but things with her couldn’t last.

One of the things that hurt the most when we had to part was that I no longer had a companion in music. It had ended long before we parted ways, but its loss was still felt. We had talked in music, sending each other songs all day, every day, for almost 3 months. It was our first connection. And it was beautiful. It was what I had always wanted, to share my greatest passion with someone that could appreciate it and was willing to share her passion with me.

But it wasn’t enough. We had amazing connection through music, but there were too many other factors that wouldn’t have worked; I see that now.

So I go back to my music, my constant lover, and I journey through the sounds and find myself again. It will never leave me, even if I stray away from time to time.

Music will always be there for me to find and explore intimately. I have spent much of my life doing just that, amassing a modest (in my opinion) collection of physical media that I wish to expand. If given the chance, I would build an entire room designed for nothing but music consumption. I dream of a room painted white, with a soft carpet, a comfy chair, an immaculate stereo system, and filled floor to ceiling with music of all varieties. It would be there, waiting for me, and it would envelop me in sonic caress.


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