Lost and Searching

Looking Back on the Year

I suppose this is where I start thinking back on the year that is ending today. However, I spend much time thinking about what has and has not happened, so these things are never far from my mind and summing them up in predetermined segments like a calendar year rather than as the journey they were seems odd.

Can a year be your best and your worst? A lot happened this year. Some good, some bad, and some heartbreaking.

I started making art again and have made a ton of it, even going so far as to sell a piece. I began writing again as well. I have created 70+ posts here for the purpose of expelling and exploring my demons. I have begun to open up and talk to people about the things that I am dealing with. I have grown as a person, though I still have a long way to go.

A lot has changed, though a lot remains the same. I still struggle with loneliness and socializing. I want to fix it, but I’m not there yet. I also managed to fall for someone that would never care for me, again. I may have lost my virginity and cared for someone this year, but I still ended up getting hurt in the end and am still dealing with the fallout to this day. I don’t know when I’ll be past it, but I know that I am no longer thinking of it constantly, only when I come into contact with her… or try to masturbate, but that’s another story.

In all, I’d say the year was neutral. The highs were high, and the lows were low, but they averaged out. It was one of the most active years I have had in a long time, and I think it was just a precursor. There’s more to come; there has to be. This year has been all about building, and growing, and opening up, but for what? I do not know yet, though I think I’ll find out in 2013. I have no idea what is in store for me for the year ahead, but I hope it’s good. It would be nice to have a truly good year for once.

This post should probably be longer or more in depth, but I think i am still too close to all that happened this year to really see it for what it is. As 2013 progresses and unfolds, I think I will start to see the outcome of all that I did in 2012. I just hope it comes out for the best.

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