Asperger’s: My Greatest Unknown
As you may have noticed, I haven’t posted much lately. I haven’t been idle, I just haven’t been able to form my thoughts into anything I would want to publish. I have mostly written about love, pain, and the desire to get past it all. Familiar topics, but explored in a different way, I think. I’m not entirely certain though. I just know I’m tired of the subject but I have never felt it more strongly.
Earlier this week I got drawn into some forums for those with Asperger’s. It is something I have suspected I have for a number of years now, though I have yet to be diagnosed one way or the other. In reading those forums, I saw myself in them. I identified with many of the things posted there. Seeing that stirred unexpected things within me. Since I figured out that Asperger’s is a likely diagnosis for me, I hadn’t cared a whole lot about clinical diagnosis. The self diagnosis was good enough for me. But, as I read through everything and noted how much of it was a constant struggle in my own life, I decided I wanted to know for certain. I want to get tested. So, I am trying to find a psychologist that can help me with that. It won’t be easy given that I barely make enough money to survive each month, but it is worth it.
What really drew me to start looking through the Aspie forums was me trying to learn more about Aspies and dating. It is not impossible, it is just very difficult. It’s like learning an entirely new language. It’s a language I want to learn though. I am so tired of being alone in this life and writing about how much it hurts is not going to make it any better.
It can only get better through action, but action is difficult for me. I am a man of thought, much to my demise. So, while I will attempt to try and go out some, the main action I am taking is to get tested. If I find that I do have it, I have a starting point. If I don’t… well, I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
I have another post I will make tomorrow. I finished up a drawing and will post it. After that, I am still trying to figure out what to do with this blog. Only time will tell.