Lost and Searching

Burned Out

I think that after this post I may go dark until this Sunday. I’ve had a furious pace since I got back from my trip. I’ve written a lot here and covered a lot of ground. Now, I still feel the need to write but there is nothing specific that wants to be discussed. I can’t force this. If I force it, I run the risk of burning out on it and writing just to write, which will do me no good. I have to remember that this is here to help me heal, not for those that read it. I do hope that those that read this get something out of it though, but I cannot worry about that yet. In the future I will write for readers, but for now, I write for myself and my health.

 

I feel like with all that I’ve written about and processed since I came back, I need to go out and let myself go for a bit. just get away from it all and have a night free from it. I’m kind of burned out. I haven’t had a day off since last Thursday. I’ve worked 8 hours a day every day since then and my work hasn’t been easy this week. I’m getting slammed with menial busy work on top of the normal work that I do each day. I’ve also written 10 or so blogs in that same time frame. I’m just really fucking tired in spite of sleeping well for 8-ish hours each night.

 

My mind has been working over time for about a week and a half now and it needs a break. Unfortunately, I can’t just turn it off. I typically need some help with that. To that end, I’m gonna go out Saturday, watch the Duck game, watch Jon “Bones” Jones beat the shit out of Vitor Belfort, and drink. Should really help me relax and recover.

 

All I can think now is ‘My mind is fried’ and not in the good way like when you drop acid. I feel like it is full, but at the same time, I feel like there is nothing in there. It’s all airy chaos. All of this time in overdrive has it burning out. it needs to rest if I am to continue on.

 

I’ve been listening to more music these past 4 days than I have in a while. I think I’m trying to dig deep into it and find inspiration. I feel like it should be inspiring me to do more than I am, but I think what it is actually doing is giving me the motivation to finish what I need to do to make it through until I have days off. I’m trying to find a visceral experience in it that will drive me to create and move me. I haven’t turned this far into music in a very long time. it is nice to know it is still there if I need it.

 

I don’t remember the last time I was this weary. Because of that, I know this entry is scattered and fractured. It’s difficult to be clear when you have trouble just focusing on work and trying to get through it to go to sleep.

 

So, with that. I’m going to post this and sign out for a bit. I’ll be back though. I don’t think I could actually turn my back on this even if I wanted to.

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