Art, Impatience, and Manifesting My Changes in the Physical Realm
I’m not really sure what I want to write. I kind of want to bitch at myself for whining about love and loneliness so much, but that doesn’t feel right. I do talk about it a lot, but I think I’m finally managing to come to peace with where I am and am nearly ready to finally let it go and just wait and see what happens while I work on other things. Really, I just don’t know anymore. I’ve shaken out a lot of stuff this past week and now I’m trying to sort it all. I shouldn’t be so impatient though, it’s only been a week since I dealt with some of my largest issues and a few months since I really started working on any issues. There’s only so much that can happen in that amount of time, but because the waiting extends far prior to the working, I keep feeling like it should have happened. I know better, but that doesn’t always quell the thoughts and impatience. So, my goal for now is to work on patience and work on my art and healing myself.
Speaking of art, I played with my markers last night. Ended up with a few interesting drawings. I’ll upload them here to share. I won’t go much into meaning or anything though. I do not like to assign meaning to my images (the exception to this being those that I drew while tripping). I prefer to allow others to assign their meaning to it. For me, the process of making art is very much chaotic and random. I am capable of drawing things that I see, but some things are done by simply putting marker (or pen, pencil, whatever) to substrate and seeing what the fuck happens. Of the three drawings I did, one was something I saw (though it took its own form) and the other two were purely random. One of the randoms I understand but the other is truly abstract, though it does have a form to it.
Unfortunately, my scanner blows out the colors some. I was able to adjust for most of it, but the faint orange that I use on the beak and on the winged one’s back do not show up correctly even after color adjustments.
Really not sure where to end this post. I’m still trying to get a handle on manifesting the strides I have taken mentally into the physical realm. To that end, I drew the pictures above, I have continued to clean and rearrange my room, and I have started trying to get back to eating healthy again. I still feel like there is much to do, but it will come in time. I am very much looking forward to my days off this weekend. I haven’t had a day off since last Thursday which was supposed to be the day I was coming home. because of that, I have been somewhat cut off from friends (not having a car will do that, but that is my next big step). So, it will be good to get out there and see them this weekend. Maybe get some alcohol in me and just let the fuck go for a night.